In just a few more hours

I shall be graduating tomorrow

Wow, I really messed up this 'challenge', huh?

Anyways, these are stuff I didn't post before:

There are only 5 days remaining till graduation

And I haven't posted what I should've posted.

I...just am always so tired that I can't write, and when I want to write I can't because I'm in the middle of doing something else. I wrote a vignette or whatever it was but it's not enough.

Nothing ever is enough.

I want to start writing what I've been planning on writing but I have to sleep because I'll be up early tomorrow and I need the rest because it's going to be damn stressful.

Funny how it works, you know? You could spend years on end laboring in classes with only little complaint, stress, or ill health, and now that that's over and all you have to do is practice for at least only 4 hours a day for two weeks and you find that you don't have any strength to overcome that little stretch of time.

Maybe I'm just all out.

I'm alive

I've been writing drafts and trying to cope.

Try harder.

not gonna do it

I wonder how pills and ice cream will taste like? :)

I'll get back again

I haven't been posting because I had my exams and I'm currently having an episode.

I will post again if I don't kill myself.

Still me

I am stressed and my gut is filled with that awful feeling of dread.

The finals are this week and I haven't done an inch of studying and I don't even know what to study. I also skipped out on my make- up test which means I have to be busy tomorrow too.

I should do my THE homework but I have no idea how to do the last one and I need to compile it all but I need to use a black folder for it and I told her to buy one but she forgot and the stores are all closed and there's a black out. I somehow feel like screaming at somebody and tearing something or beating someone up but I can't bring myself to actually do that; I feel too weak to do something like that.

In fact, the only strength I have left to do is to curl up on my bed and cry.

Right then.

A Countdown to G-Day: Days 38 to 42

There's that feeling of dread again.

Hello. I know I haven't posted in a few days; I didn't know what to write. Rather, I did know what to write but I knew I shouldn't write it. And so here we are.

Last week was my last week of regular school. This week is my last week of high school, period. Tomorrow is my last regular day of high school. I am graduating. This is really happening. Say what now?

It's crazy when I think about it. You'd think I'd be all weepy now, but I'm not. I'm really happy and excited. Maybe a little sad too. As much as I've hated high school, I'll still miss it.

I like the fact that I'm seeing more of me the me as I truly am. I've missed her; haven't seen here in a year. Is it sad that she's back just when I'm about to leave? Very.

But in any case, I'm graduating. (I hope so. I cannot understand some of my requirements. Pshh.)

God help me.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 37

I can't think right now so BLUBBER.

Sometimes random in neither funny nor entertaining.

A Countdown to G-Day: Days 35 and 36

I only have 4 normal school days left. SWEET JESUS THIS IS HAPPENING

Anyways, I've been busy being sick. Again. And school was suspended because of flood. Again.

I've been trying to get people to read my story. As usual.

I don't know why I'm writing this way. Typical.

Yes, I need to stop. Clearly.

Arggh. Obnoxiously.

A Countdown to G-Day: Days 33 and 34

So I spent these two days writing this story I posted on wattpad. Here it is: http://www.wattpad.com/story/4250362-the-ramblings-of-a-faded-woman 
I swear to God I'll make that link clickable when I could use html. 

Also, I just read that the term scientist was coined only on the year 1840. 
I wonder how they were addresed before that?
- "Look, madam, this person does science!"
- "I know what sciencers look like, George."
- "The science man is looking particularly cheery today."
- "Did you hear about that scientor? Man, the things people are capable of."
And so on.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 32

I am in a spectacular mess.

I'm supposed to be doing my research paper, but my group mates didn't reply when I asked about it, so I guess that means that they're not doing it. Or whatever. I don't know.

I'd like to be able to say that I had fun, but that would be a lie, and an uninteresting one at that. I did enjoy being on-duty and watching the movie, though.

Which reminds me: Smiley. I've got to watch that. It sounds scary. Mmmmm.

Days 29, 30, 31

...I'm sorry.

I slept through 29 and 30. When I wasn't, I was preoccupied with obsessing over Les Miserables.
On 29, I had to finish an application for a dorm.
On 30, I had to make a scrapbook. A [I]fitness[/I] scrapbook.

Sorry.

So, random thoughts:

February 14, Valentine's Day. Otherwise known as the great day of hiding.

†

I HAVE 13 DAYS LEFT OF HIGH SCHOOL OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS I mean I'm almost done with high school. I'm reasonably excited.

And sorry. sorry. sorry.

When did the caged bird forget to smile?

If there was a corresponding equation for everyone, then mine would be a perfect linear equation. However many numbers and variables it has will not make a difference as it will always, always end up being a graph of a straight line, nothing more, nothing less. Everyday will be the same and there won't be any significant change. This life will go on straight and I don't have a say on it.

Yeah.

I already just posted but I have this inner compulsion to erase what I just wrote and start over. But I won’t so I’ll just write.

A Countdown to G-Day: Days 26 and 27

Alright. So these are the reasons why I wasn't able to post yesterday:

* I rewatched Les Miserables, this time with a friend. I convinced her to watch it with me purely because I wanted to celebrate the gloriousness of Enjolras' hair. WHY OH WHY IS IT JUST A WIG BUT I STILL LOVE YOU ANYWAYS AARON TVEIT
* I was scrambling to find a place to stay in college. This and the aforementioned rewatching of Les Miserables took up the entire morning.
* I wrote two stories. One's still horribly short and, as of now, consists of two sentences and three jumbled words that am still wondering as to how it appeared in the draft. The other one is fairly decent but is still by no means ready to be posted. This was done in the afternoon.
* I was busy doing Chapter 4 of our research paper. If you didn't already know, writing chapter 4 is torture, more so if you're completely redoing it if you're first draft was rejected. That took up the whole night.

Okay then.

~

As for today, nothing much happened except FOR THIS INCREDIBLY PAINFUL BACKACHE THAT HURTS WHENEVER I BEND, ROLL OVER, SLOUCH, STAND STRAIGHT, AND BASICALLY EVERY MOVEMENT THAT ENTAILS THE MOVING OF MY UPPER BODY. But no worries.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 25

If you ask me for recommendations I will give you recommendations.

I'm a steadfast recommendist. recommendater. recommender. Whichever, whatever.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 24

There isn't any Nobel Prize winner from the Philippines and that makes me sad and motivated.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 23

Fangirlisms. It's a thing.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 22

I can't wait to be old and successful enough to make fun of my current self.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 21

I am trying hard to keep myself from hoping too much.

Hope is good, hope is beautiful, but false hope is ugly and painful.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 20

I'm posting this now because it was late at night when I finished writing this and the wifi was already turned off.

This also happened to be my English assignment.

An Interpretation of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 19

I'm cheating for this one, because this is actually something I just posted on a forum.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 18

I am crying right now.

I have been listening to and watching several clips of my childhood. From the Hundred Acre Woods song, to Rainbow Connection, to Perfect.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 17

Someone once said that all our lives are stories waiting to unfold.

I don’t want mine to be a love story. I don’t want to have the defining characteristic of my life be the fact that I am in love with another person.

I want mine to be a tale of a girl who finds her meaning, her self worth.  I’d be alright if it ends in me not finding it-because the mere fact that I am strong enough to try to save myself from myself is enough for me.  It’s all right to hope.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 16

Random thoughts:

It's weird how I call it a countdown when it really isn't a countdown. It'll start being a normal countdown when there'll be ten days left til graduation.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 15

Something I scribbled in Physics class this afternoon:

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 14

Ugh. Another iPad post. Somehow, I keep forgetting to make these posts, or at least, until I turn my laptop and wifi off and I don't have any choice but to use my iPad(it's 3G), which is just an absolute joy to write in. Grr. Same old, same old news. Nothing's happening, answered some tests, passed some, forgot to do some work,yada yada yada. Why is my life on standby mode? Oh yeah, because I placed myself on it. Too bad I can't get the remote to change the setting; the act of readjusting it placed me directly inside the television screen, and I won't ever be able to go out by myself, and I don't think it's possible for anyone to help. Well, let's see. Maybe a miracle would be wasted on me.

A Countdown To G-Day: Day 13

I feel like there's a dragon inside my belly and it's breathing out fire and scratching the walls of my stomach. I want to reach inside my stomach and rip it out, or puke so much it(and my innards and bile and other things that may or may not be inside my stomach)falls off. I have a stomachache, is what I'm trying to say.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 12

Ever wonder how lonely and pathetic a person can get?

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 11

'Once' was amazing. It's sad but not overtly so, and there's so much, I don't know, life in the movie. I'm genuinely sorry that my past posts have been crappy. Include this on the crappy pile. Be better tomorrow? I hope so.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 10

Yey, I'm better! So I was watching Golden Slumber(which was awesome) and it gave me an incentive to write this story that I've been toying with for some time now. Not gonna say anything about it, chances are I'll never be able to finish it, but you know, it's nice to be inspired. Also, LOTR made me cry.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 9

Recuperating. Almost done reading LOTR! I promise I'll be interesting when I get better.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 8

I'm incredibly sick. Food also looks disgusting. Been reading LOTR while trying to recover.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 7

Rainbows like to lie. If you so much as look at them, they will come barging in your house and fill your ears with obvious deceptions. And they will stay for days, and will expect you to treat them like they were royalty. There is a saying about them. They eat and eat and steal and steal and they take and take everything you have. When they leave you'll be all alone. And that saying is quite true. But you will never complain, because rainbows are the closest you will ever get to something beautiful. And you will let them lie, and you will let them devour your food, steal your belongings, and take everything that's left of you to take. And when they leave, you will be an old husk of yourself; a ghost, an old and thin ghost, one that is left wanting, waiting, for the Rainbows. Seldom do they come back. But when they do, they will never leave you. And you wait and wait and harbor all your hope on that chance. Maybe you'll get it. Maybe you won't. Most likely you'll die alone, on the old and dusty wood that you once called your floor. But let this be known: every day spent with the Rainbows are the happiest days of your life. And every day spent waiting for the Rainbows to come back are infinitely happier than any day you've ever spent before meeting the Rainbows. And even if you physically die alone, you never feel alone, and that's in a good way. Rainbows like to lie.

A Countdown To G-Day: Days 4,5, and 6

Yes, I'm still doing this.

The reasons I haven't been able to post these three entries on their respective dates are:
1.) There was a black out on Day 4.
2.) I had no access to blogger on Day 5.
3.) I was out of town on Day 6.

But fear not, I still did manage to write entries on these days. Days 4 and 5 were on my journal, and Day 6 was on that Notes app.

A Countdown To G-Day: Day 3: Learning and Forgetting

You know how sometimes you can spend so much time frantically reading, memorizing, learning all you can about this one topic, and feel like finally you've found something that's you, but after some time you find yourself not reading, memorizing,not learning anything at all (through no fault of your own,maybe) and when you finally found time to sit down and think about/practice/discuss/write about this topic, you realize that you don't remember anything at all?

I forgot so much about html.

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 2

Please, just click the read more link.  It's not like you're going to read this part anyways.

~~~~~~~~~~

A Countdown to G-Day: Day 1

So...I haven't posted in...umm...a while...

(ellipses...for...clarity...dammit...!!!)

So...yeah...

I will be graduating from high school very, very soon, and I had this brilliant, totally ingenious idea of making a countdown to graduation day because I'm masochistic sadomasochistic brilliant. 

So I will be writing something(anything) each day on this blog(and on my journal because fuck yeah journals!) until the day I am handed my high school diploma. And then maybe I'll write my reaction to that? You're reading my blog you know I don't know a thing


Yes, I will obviously summon enough time and productiveness for this. Haha fat chance